Friday, 30 December 2016


I screwed up, and almost died.

Let me tell you, witches have far too much range. There was a ravine intersecting with a few other ravines. Sensing a chance to get a load of ores, I decided to explore and risk it. Taking the left ravine, I was walking when all of a sudden the FOV turned weird and I was walking a lot slower than usual. A witch had popped out from a cave under the ravine wall and poisoned me.

I nearly died. It all comes down to me brain farting. I quickly ran to the parallel wall and dug myself into it and blocked the passage. I knew the witch couldn't get me because she was stuck in the other cave, but what I forgot was that they throw far and the potions can penetrate through walls.

I thought I was safe and proceeded to eat some mutton to regenerate and counter the poison. Then she threw a potion harming at me.That brought me down to three or so hearts, and the poison kept it at 1/2 until I regenerated. I kept on digging through the wall and eventually made my way back to the house. Yeah.

The problem with Chinese food

I was looking through a Chinese menu pamphlet and this is what I saw in one section:

Stir the fry

Ay yay yay. Well, at least it didn't have translation fails.


Don't get me wrong, I love food. Some food systems may be a bit absurd, but for the most part, our foodist world is in check. Well, except in Minecraft, the only game where you can eat steak all day long and still be fine. I've eaten a lot of crazy things, like alligator and kangaroo (I think, boy, that was along story.) but there are some foods I'd like to call out. 

1. Octopus, Squid, Cephalopods

I have a special relationship with these guys. They taste great when made well, and they still taste okay when you don't make them well. My personal favorites are Ikayaki and shredded cuttlefish. I used to eat Ikayaki almost every single time I went to a Japanese restaurant. I still like it. Shredded cuttlefish, It's so good. I have to take a handful, eat it, then close the bag and go do something else otherwise I can't stop eating it. Yeah.

"Fuzzy Frizzly Fungus"

2. Bread

This might seem lame, but bread is absolutely gorgeous. It looks good, tastes good (most of the time) and is easy to get. My favorites are bagels, scones, baguettes, and sliced bread. I think whole wheat tastes better than refined, but thats just me. Also, the word "bread" is just so satisfying to say. 

"Would you like something to eat, sir?"

"Yes, I would like some breeeaaad. Ahh..."


3. Soup

Soup is my savior. It's easy to make, and it works for virtually all of the time. Whenever I'm feeling peckish at a restaurant but not hungry, soup is the solution. I guess you could call it "Souper-man." 
I prefer clear soup.

4. Beef jerky and Bakkwa
Beef jerky is an old time favorite of mine, munching on piece after piece while reading. But American-style beef jerky is hard to come by when I try to get it, so an alternative is bakkwa. Bakkwa is worth it's weight in gold. It's like a smoother, more refined version of beef jerky, and usually sweeter. (Well, that only applies for the original.)

Beef jerky

5. Fruits and Vegetables

Yay! These guys are some of my favorite things in this whole list. The category is broad, which is the whole point because I want to cover as many things as possible. I like apples, grapes, and pears because they taste good and are quite nostalgic to me. Sweet potato, okra (dried as chips and not), broccoli and cabbage are all of equal appeal to me.

All in all, I love all foods (well, most of them.) but some deserve a right o be here and stand out for their good taste in food. Wait, what?

Also, I'll be putting more stuff in the title text, so watch out for that.

Next Post It Is

Tuesday, 27 December 2016

The Dust Mote That Killed Humanity

Once upon a time, someone at a bowl of porridge. That porridge had the taste of a coconut crab. The coconut crab in question was one on the country of Mongolia. The part of country in question, was a desert. That was populated by various shrubs, and the odd Mongolian Death Worm. And, of course, the basilisk. The basilisk looked like a corn snake but a few feet longer, and it was docile for a basilisk. About 200 years old, this basilisk lived in a small burrow in the Gobi. Those who came by never came back. But that was because it was in a remote area of the Gobi and the people that came there were stupid and decided not to bring a map. Anyways, this basilisk was special because he was an Alken, a species presumably extinct. With the ability to time travel and seriously mess things up. Presumably why they are extinct. As you all know, the Gobi Desert is dusty. And whenever the basilisk moved, it raised a load of dust. Fortunately, the snake can avoid the dust, for it is very fast. Unfortunately, one day the snake decided to return to 1945 to avoid the dust. It landed on Adolf's head. Soon after the snake had killed him, the snake proceeded the kill the whole department, resulting in mass hysteria, death, and a lot of lost cereal. But as the days passed, the dust motes that the snake had brought in stayed. The snake went back to Mongolia, 2019, but the motes stayed. A stray wind came in, blowing a single dust mote, towards a blue button, under a pile books, barely holding them back. Some quick background info: The button could sustain 1kg of force. The books totaled to a very close amount of force, virtually equal to 1kg. But Hitler's engineers were meticulous and picky about the weight. It held. Until the mote reached it. Dust motes typically weigh around 7.53 x 10^-10 kg. 1.77 x 10^-12 more than needed to push the blue button. Whoops. 20,071 thermonuclear warheads were loaded to a single room, where they were all ignited at the same time. 

I see why people are allergic to dust.

Monday, 26 December 2016


Every one of us has a little crew in our head that controls things. Movements, speech, breathing, all physical things. You can decide what to speak or what to move, but your crew does all the manual stuff for you. The crew is there since you were born, ad the crew is highly skilled, analyzing what to do, poring over trillions of data bits and making split second, possibly life-saving decisions. They are known as the Krew. If you trip or stumble, a calculation or two was done wrong. They are responsible for keeping your body in top-notch shape. The Krew think of you as their ship, but regardless, they do their thundering job, so who cares about what they think about you? Me. Anyways, the krew are valuable creatures, wistful, sentient, and careful ones at the very least. No one knows why they are there, but it is common knowledge that the krew are some of the, if not the, most ancient beings there are. They are said, in the Scrolls of Maknylon, to be resurrected spirits from the great necromancer Chara. They are also said, by the University of Unnatural Science (known as the Unnatural University). Whatever the cause and reason for these helpful beings, they will always be there, no matter what. They where there before we were there, and they will be there when we fall. 

On a slightly unrelated note, you still remember the old shit dude that killed that giant beehive? Well, he's still alive.

Sunday, 25 December 2016

Floating Trees and Rotten Realms

I would like to apologize for the cheesy title. I was filling out my map in my hardcore world when I happened upon this:

What the...

Yeah. I also made a quarry in the desert which I plan on using as a central mining hub and strip-mining from there at level 11, 12, or bedrock. Here are the pictures of the quarry, and of the renovated farms I forgot to include last post.
The quarry's workshop

The quarry from the top

The quarry hasn't produced much in terms of ores and other valuables, the only being a few dozen iron ores and about a stack of gravel for arrows. 

The chicken and wheat farm
Cow and sheep farm.

I didn't do the carrot/potato farm and the backyard tree farm because I think that that's unnecessary; I won't be doing any carrot collecting in the middle of the night and I can always sleep off the night and gather wood in the morning. My full set of diamond tools will be named Zievouu.

Realms: Someone decided to blow up half of what everyone's built in the server. Great. Hank restored it quickly, but it still startled me when I first saw everything full of holes and craters. Then, later, I fell into an underground lava lake. Dang. I lost my enchanted tools, armor, and worst of all, my bow, which had Infinity, Flame, and Power IV on it. I decided on a new course of action: I'll work on a set of really nice, enchanted tool and armor, and everything else will be plain, unenchanted things. I'll use iron tools for now and save my diamond ones for the final set, which i'm going to be calling Blaskaes.

Most advanced world: I got some more XP and added a few more enchantments to the chestplate and armor. This world is going slow. It's just at that point were everything is so mundane you start making extra-mundane potions and drinking them. But I'll surge through and get to the point where I have a full set of enchanted, diamond things (I'm calling this set Fraegaes.) and all I have to do is fight a few things.

Next Post It Is
-Gary Leaftbelt Spade

Wednesday, 21 December 2016

House Renovations

This isn't really a house renovation. Because I'm renovating my farms and not really my immediate house. 

I decided to add some glass around my farms so I can harvest and breed throughout the night. The glass should present a partial problem to get, but I have a desert next to me, so that should be fine. I'm planning on encasing a whole area of flat land behind my house for a tree farm so I can gather raw lumber at all times.

I try not to go mining because it's dangerous in hardcore, so a steady supply of wood for charcoal would be good to have. Having wood for building is good. In other news, I found a survival Realms world in which other people are on as well. It's a delight to meet others and look at what they've built over time. 
His storage area

The guy that invited me to join is "sniperhank84." The world is a cool place, and it's quite technologically advanced in my opinion. I've never been one for redstone. Theres also another guy, "Cruspriki" or something like that. But his internet is bad and it's a pain for him to get on.

Villager trading place

Next post it is.
-Gary Spade

The Computer Generated Forest

The computer generated forest in one of a kind. Procedural generation machines and schematics ensure that each generation is completely unique. But, avoid going there is you are under-prepared for what lies in the Computer Generated Forest. There's no knowing what biome, place, and time you'll end up in, just a sense of strange emptiness. So, unless you are skilled enough to survive, or simply just prepared well, don't go in. Many have gone in, but only some have come out. Lived to tell the tail, as they call it. It's a strange land, yet so many have gotten used to it. Funny thing though, most of the time, if you die in the Computer Generated Land (not always a forest, the name is misleading.), you come back. Wow. It was made at 8:01 midnight on a fine summers day, and worked on by teams of specialists until it was open to the public. Version One. As the years fly by and the days die, the Computer Generated Forest became more and more prevalent in today's society. It was at first a strange and wonderful sight to behold, such creativity could be found in it. Then, as the days slowly went by, the giant community of people that were in the Computer Generated Forest began to die. No new people came into the lovely world. It began to fade. Then, one day, somebody went in. He was called Dwah. As Dwah walked the earthen ground and admired to beauty of the world, Night fell. Dwah died. As he came back, he realized he had to do something in order to survive. Well, that didn't go very well for him. Needless to say, after years of research, Dwah found ways to thrive and survive in the harsh but cool world of the Computer Generated Forest. Thankfully, he left us some clues. They can be found in the Computer Generated Land, if you just search hard enough.

Visit sometime, it's really nice. But bring some wood. Just in case, you know?

Alpaca My Inventory

I made some changes to my hardcore world. I finally found some diamonds, and braved real caving for it, not strip mining. I came back from exploring my world with a map and met some truly strange things. There was a mountain village that intersected with a plain, and right next to the village was a ravine. That led to a deeper ravine. That led to a mineshaft. I forgot to take a screenshot, but I may return someday to gather resources. And fight off poisonous 8-legged bits of code. Every time I happen upon a pack of wolves, I make a cobblestone beacon but I've found so many that I forget how many packs there are just in one map! This is a short post, so I'll post more tomorrow and get on with building some new things. Update on my advanced world: Endermen are exceedingly rare, I only have 2 ender pearls after several nights of hunting. I also need to gather XP from my mob farm and enchant all my stuff. Then I'll be ready to go! I plan on taking on the wither first. Because I think it's a lot easier than traveling to a whole new dimension and battling something there.

Tuesday, 20 December 2016


There once was Flying Oogajiday. A flying Oogajiday is an animal that looks like a book, but sends out it's pages to fly and collect resources for itself, kind of like a beehive. They are among the rarest creatures there are, and they frequent the exosphere. In fact, they contributed to the death of the Giant Beehive that Mphs killed. Remember? Anyways, the Oogajiday loves to attack wood. The most secure, safe, and impenetrable structures of the world have been destroyed by Oogajiday. Because they ate away the wooden supports. If you ask me, that's just bad design. Oogajiday can be, however, some of the best pets and companions there are. If trained well from birth, they can be vicious protectors and friendly companions. They are classified as creatures of extreme rarity, along with seraphi, giant flying cookies, timekeepers, and many others. There once was that Oogajiday. He was named Hogoden, and he was nomadic. Flying around the world, sending out papers to scout and gather resources. But, Oogajiday are highly sought after for their knowledge, so eventually the Chessian Nation came to it. Having had many years of experience from battles, the Oogajiday was quick to recognize that the marching army and flying artillery meant bad things. He recoiled in shock, realizing that the army would very possibly kill him. A the chess pieces walker closer and closer, he formed a plan.

The king in the lead, followed by the majority of the rooks, stopped. The march halted, like a breeze on a hot summer's day. As they peeked round the rock in front of them, they saw the Oogajiday, looking quite book-like. As they prepared to charge, it opened up and pages flew out and fluttered about in quick succession. "Attack!!" The king charged, followed by the rest of the Chessian army. The furious battle that ensued was one to be remembered in the Oogajiday's memory, for hours later, as the Chessian army retreated, he sat down and closed up like a clam to tend to it's wounds. The pages would regenerate faster than he would, but as long as he was injured and unwell, he would not be able to replace any pages, leaving him in limited supply. That was a problem. The Chessian army was sure to attack again soon, for they would not let something as simple as a lost battle to stop their progression. Knowing this, the Oogajiday fled. As he flew into the air, he sent a scout out to find one of his dearest friends for help. The army would for sure be seeking him out, and his wounds were serious. 

As the scout landed in Opnenî three days later, he found the large fried egg resting in a clearing in a forest by a pond. As the egg awoke, the egg morphed into a white creature with six short, gelatinous eggy legs, a long, egg-white like tail, and a rounded head the color of an egg yolk. Two large, dark and intelligent eyes emerged from the head of yolk. Other than that, no other features could be found. The eggy creature, a seraphi, emitted a long, ululating howl that echoed throughout the dry night air. It looked at the scout page; a sense of understanding passed between them, and they flew off into the night. They met up later in the air, Oogajiday and seraphi.

"Sneeziayl! So glad to see you…"

Friday, 16 December 2016

Where The Maps End

Here’s where the maps end, where the wilds begin,
A place where the djinn rest.
Where the maps end, there is no order,
There are only borders.
Where the maps end, there are no people.
There are only cliffs and steeples with nothing inside.
Where the maps end, is an unforgiving yet beautiful place,
Where things thrive in the borders there are,
Where all that don’t follow are to be derived
There are so many towns, so many little oasis’s,
But none quite as grand as where the maps end.

Where the maps end are perilous. Don't ever go there unless you are extremely experienced, or live there. Unless you are a djinn or some other metaphysical entity, don't stray within one hundred meters of the end of the maps. Towards the west, the Goat House sleeps. Towards the north, a large group of hypertensive keyboards live there. Towards the south, Santa is there. He will blast you to oblivion if you get to close; he needs to remain a myth. Towards the east, on the right days, there are rice farmers and some rice gods. This instantly equals horrible death because rice farmers and powerful rice gods will turn you into rice and plant you. On the rainy days however, there are no rice farmers of gods, even thought their fields are still there. When it rains, the carnivorous forest awakens. The name is pretty self-explanatory, unless you are dumb. You are surrounded by the end of the maps and other dangers, which is why you stay closer to the center of the maps and not to the edge of earth. Or in other words, where the maps end. Fortunately, the map's end does not start until you reach the Scone-Brain Barrier. You are about as likely to get there in a million years as you are likely to become Zeus. There once was a guy named Aeroxyial; he was a metaphysical entity, and he almost died. He went to the edge of the maps and fell down, but he propelled some whales to help him up.The whales all died of the Scone-Brain Barrier and were reincarnated five minutes later as the Whale God. Aeroxyial was still lingering around the end of the maps, and using the Russian Rush-in Method, he decimated the Whale God to bits. As Aeroxyial mucked about the edge of the maps, he found some squares to fill his empty stomach and another djinn, Bsivb. Bsivb quickly whipped Aeroxyial's ass and beat him in ten seconds, hands down. Aeroxyial was buried under a mountain. He's still there. 

Thursday, 15 December 2016

Lotsa Algae

Life of Pi is a brilliant book. Same goes with the movie. But I've always wondered whether or not the carnivorous island is possible. It seems like a fantasy, albeit one that would probably kill you given good time. There are several species of carnivorous algae, or protists, but they would be unable to clump together and simulate something close to the island. 

They're everywhere!
This would suggest that the island is a new species, and one where the trees are of an energy-gathering function where the algae stores nutrients and such. Pi almost proves this when he says,

          "The trees were not parasites. I discovered this one day when I ate so much algae at the base of a small tree that I exposed its roots. I saw that the roots did not go their own independent way into the algae, but rather joined it, became it. Which meant that these trees either lived in a symbiotic relationship with the algae, in a giving-and-taking that was to their mutual advantage, or, simpler still, were an integral part of the algae. I would guess that the latter was the case because the trees did not seem to bear flowers or fruit. I doubt that an independent organism, however intimate the symbiosis it has entered upon, would give up on so essential a part of life as reproduction. The leaves' appetite for the sun, as testified by their abundance, their breadth and their super-chlorophyll greenness, made me suspect that the trees had primarily an energy-gathering function."

And the reason the algae is carnivorous is like any other carnivorous plant: It lives in a place with a lack of nutrients, therefore forcing it to consume animals and sustaining nutrition. The ocean doesn't have a lot of nutrients, which makes sense, judging by the islands location. The meerkats don't seem to have a valid reason, but since this blog is kind of weird, I'll leave it at that. The trees seem to gather energy, the algae eats, but that doesn't explain if the algae mass is rooted to the sea floor or not. Considering the average ocean depth is 12,100 feet, the algae mass would have to be miles long to reach the bottom, and still more to root itself in. Also, why haven't ships and all that good stuff found the algae? 

And then it said, "Blub Blub Blub"!

It is, depicted by the movie and the book, a pretty large mass of algae. It's estimated by Pi, whom we all know is great at math to be

           "...about six or seven miles in diameter, which means a circumference of about twenty miles."

That's pretty damn big for a bunch of plants, or perhaps less likely, a single organism. But who knows? The world is big. And the future is an adventure, so who knows what we will encounter in the world; it never ceases to amaze us.

Monday, 12 December 2016

A Biased Opinion About Life

Go check out one of my friend's blog. It's about as bland as a cup of water in my opinion, but hey. Water is interesting. Or so I think.

Sunday, 11 December 2016


There has been an update in my cellular formatting: I am now

No, just joking. This post is here solely to entertain you with random stuff I thin ooh look at the big Bird of Truth! Well, the fact still remains that you are going to die, Winston. Walter, I'm afraid you are first. Blam! Chickens reign superior in the year 2525. We are trapped on an oblate spheroid of rock, molten rock, and more rock.

LOL Map Services

Welcome to your demo version of LOL Map Services! For this demonstration-purposes only version, the LOL Map Services team will be taking you to the two most visited places on Earth!

First up, we have the directions to Kola Superdeep Borehole, located on the Kola bay. Hence the name, "Kola?"  

   1. Take a taxi to the Valley of Wasabi (North, 0.5 hours)
1. Once there, take the third train from Wasabi Transit Station at 8:01 midnight. Get off at the station "2BR02B." (North, 2 hours)
2. Afterwards, continue on North by car or, if you go in August, you can catch the Slippery Scallop Expressway, or popularly satirized by tourists, "Oh geez spiders don't take this expresswa- holy mother of god SNAKES!!! SNAKES!!! *SNAP* ARGH ARGH ARGH..." expressway. 
3. Once you get to the Kola Superdeep Borehole, ask for Samuel. He will give you some stunned crabs. 
4. If you are lucky, you get free skydiving lessons in the borehole! Ask for Mackey when Samuel arrives.

Next up, we have directions to the island of La Isla de la Muñecas
1. First, take the ferry to Alcatraz island.
2. Then, wait for around 2 hours in the lighthouse. A large, flying cookie will arrive, and take you to wherever you want to go (this is, in general, a good idea for any visit) Be sure to bring snacks for the cookie and some flashlights. It takes about an hour to get there.
3. Ignore any spirits riding along with you.
4. Be sure to steer the cookie towards the northeastern part of the island, for there are many rival flying cookies that may or may not kill you.
5. Once you have touched down, be sure to give the cookie some snacks. No cookies, please.

That concludes our demo version of the LOL Map Services!

Click HERE for more info!

Friday, 2 December 2016

Side Notes

An update on my most advanced world: I need to grind ender pearls, experience, and fix my inventory and armor. My inventory is really messed up, and only the hotbar has anything resembling order. So I made a list of things I need to keep in my inventory:

Dirt (Amount ≥ 32)
Cobblestone (Amount ≥ 32)
Torches (Amount ≥ 32)
Food (Preferably high-nourishment and more than 32 pieces)
Water Bucket

That way, I can go exploring for longer periods of time and come back with a full inventory of loot.


The pawn awoke. Rousing its other squad mates, it alerted the rest of the pieces to the "threat." As the queen awoke, the whole set heard voices, at first with sharp clarity and then dizzying distortion filled their auditory senses. As the chess pieces followed their queen off the table, a boy walked in. Gasping in surprise, the boy dropped the glass of chocolate milk he was carrying and grabbed a cleaver from the kitchen drawer. The queen ordered the pieces to attack. The boy was shortly done with and stuffed into the fridge. As the chess pieces moved forward, the white chess pieces from the chess set awoke. This was bad news for the black chess pieces. Back on the black chessboard, things were escalating quickly. Morale was at an all-time low; having just woke from premature coma to a full scale war, 

"Queen, there are two primary threats: the Tall Ones and the other chessboard. Therefore, I present you tw-" The primary strategic rook was whacked in the head by the King.

"I have a plan," said the king.

Now, for some background knowledge. All you think you know about kings and chess is wrong. Kings aren't as physically powerful as Queens, but Kings possess magic. That is what makes them so powerful. There are at least: 100 rooks, 1000 knights, 5 bishops, and 10,0000 pawns. The main strength of the Chessian Nation is the fact that it functions similarly to grey goo, but with sentience. Back to the story:

As the King laid out his plans on square 7f, the thoughts that were going through the rest of the Chessian Nation heads re-ignited the old battle spirit that they had previous to the premature comapocalypse. The army spread out, wielding ancient technology and weapons, ready to invade the home they were in. Meanwhile, the white chess set was massing their troops. They had been the chess pieces in control when the Chessian Nation awoke, and they wanted it to stay that way. They had no King, but instead, two Queens and ten times the bishops of anyone else in their way. They began to move forward, towards the kitchen table where the Chessian Army resided. 

Maddie sat in the living room, working on her Macbook Pro. Then, the computer fizzled out and died, leaving the room smelling like burnt plastic. A lone rook emerged from behind the Macbook, and cried a terrible war cry, summoning thousands of pawns to attack Maddie. She died of heart failure exactly 2.137 recurring seconds later. The pawns then swarmed the Macbook, building more and more of themselves as they took apart the Macbook and harvested its remains. Then, the white army emerged. The Chessian Army and the other chess pieces fought a battle that raged on for hours, and when the mother and father came back, the chess King banished them to a separate dimension. As the King leaped up to deal the final blow to one of the Queens, he saw a flash from the other rooms, paused time for a moment to think, then saw a massive fried egg on the floor emerged from one of the bedrooms. The King killed the Queen, then retreated to a safe distance. The battle surged.

To be continued...